Paper Towels

Its 1 in the morning, and I found myself here procrastinating as usual. Before long, the red solo cup to my left was tipped over, and its cold contents sitting in my crotch. First instinct? Paper towels. I often find that when I run to grab paper towels, I am reminded why I dislike them so much. Prepare yourselves, i'm about to Andy Rooney on dis shiz.


You can never use just one. No. I dont care what any commercial says, i dont care how absorbant it says it is on the bag. When something spills, you're grabbing a shit ton of them. I've tried using just one, I really have. It doesnt work, it never works. Its 256 times more absorbant? Great, 256 times more absorbant than what? Stone?


You took too many? You want to roll them back up? shit, that aint happenin. No my friend, you're just going to have to settle for this.

Obviously as a college student. I dont have much money. Laundry is tied up a lot. So when something spills, I depend on paper towels to do the job. They dont. Rubbing them into the ground accompanied with windex only gives your carpet what i like to call "The Dandruff Effect"^TM Where rolled up bits of paper embed themselves deep in the carpet and require more cleaning to remove. Great.

Honestly, they just seem wasteful. When I look in a trashcan and see an enormous ball of paper there to greet me, I cant help but wonder where it all goes. Where it all builds up? I'm not much of environmentalist, but it bothers me to see windex soaked balls of paper disappear daily.

So thats my rant for today. Peace.

COMIC SAAAAAAANS!! (Fist Shake)