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I've been appointed the new Keeper of the Tomes. Ahaha, you fools! I have no beard.
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Yeah, but somewhat commenting on the fact that instead of a wise old man whose crackpot ways may or may not turn the tides of a hero's fate, you got a cynical, conflicted, uninspired mess of an amateur teenaged writer, who may or may not resort to using malarkey.
Real life is quite disappointing, isn't it?
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You don't know the half of it.
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Oh, I... do.